March 2011
6 posts
Any party that involves a row of large men performing the Truffle Shuffle at your request is a successful party.
I really can't picture anyone having a crush on...
I can’t picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep, or telling their friends about me. I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I said hi to them, or even just smiled at them. I can’t picture someone smiling at the computer screen or their cell phones when we’re talking.
I mean like…Why would they even do that? I’m just me. Nothing extraordinary, or special.
Nice guys scare me and I don’t like it.
In regards to your new girlfriend,
I hope she has chlamydia,
And thinks giving head is gross.
I think I should get a title for worst leader that people are still willing to follow, ever.
February 2011
7 posts
I recently realized that my favorite shows are #Skins and #Bones. I dig it.
“I’m having trouble thinking of boys as human lately.”
Is it bad that the roomie and I now refer to “dating” as “experimenting”?
-Technically- my essay is done. And I even have an hour to review it and try to make it seem a bit … less sucky.
Totally playing dress up. =]
She put a bag on my head. #stillcounts
“All of my thenthes are heightened.”
January 2011
9 posts
“Crotch grab. Crotch grab. Check out that foot work!” - on letting your roommate record the two of you playing Just Dance 2
Punched holes in her ear lobes.
Everyone is talking about the Britney song, what about Avril? What the Hell has been stuck on replay in my head for the past 3 days …
Revenge is a dish best served with tequila.
“EMILLLLYYYY!” “Are you drunk?” “Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh! I’ve had sooo much!” “… It’s … noon.”
Emily: “I’m trying something new.” Mom: “Is it a girl?” Dad: “Is he black?” Lib: “Is he ugly?” Kirsten: “He doesn’t read?” #crazyassfamily
Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat.
December 2010
12 posts
“I keep trying to write it, but it always ends up being a particle physics lecture. Maybe it’s not true love after all.”
She gets what she wants and she breaks what she gets.
Pretty sure I’m a few moments away from failing an exam for the first time. I’m surprisingly calm about this. Weird.
Tonight I will write my final essay. I promise. No distractions.
There is a part of me that is enjoying finals. It’s the only time this semester that I’ve actually felt like a college student.
There is a slight chance that I am a bit overexcited about the fact that I get to write about modern Russian identity for my history final.
134 cookies, 1 gallon of puppy chow, and a box of brownies later and I am covered in confectioner sugar and chocolate, and ready for bed.
About to make gingerbread from scratch. Fingers crossed.
It worries me when I’m at work and notice a middle-aged man going back and forth between the “erotica” section and the “kids” section …
I just chopped off a lot of hair. Me, I, personally. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
“Hey, would you like to grab some coffee sometime?” “I, uh, I don’t, uh, I … Like girls?” EMILYFAIL.
November 2010
12 posts
I want my roommate to get home so we can start our freakin’ B.A. Starry Night puzzle. 2000 pieces. That’s intense.
It is never wise to have friends of both genders at the same party. #thingswecanallagreeupon
Mouth, “Hey you …” Brain, “No, no, no. No. No. No. NO! NO! NO! NO!” Mouth, “Sure. ;)”
Brain, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
I wish #growapear was a trending topic. It’s a message the world needs to hear.
Only two more hours at work. Why does that seem like forever? Oh hey, #Dobby. =D
Procrastination. Ridiculous amounts of fruit, check. Large cupcake, check. Weird texts, check. Ke$ha, check. Video, check. What now …?
I am gonna make it, through this year, if it kills me. #fuckyeahmountaingoats
The fact that #Dobby is still trending is kind of the best thing ever.
Footie pajamas? Or footy pajamas? I’m at a loss.
The time has come, the Walrus said, to run to Starbucks and get a lotta lattes to get you through your homework. =]
Why do college professors decide that November is a good time to double the amount of class work that they assign?
October 2010
13 posts
My bed, closet, car, and bathroom are all covered in glitter.
Things you should never do after midnight (no matter how excited you are about it at the time): bleach your hair.
I think dressing up as Ke$ha for Halloween might be a mistake. I don’t ever want to take off the fishnets or the boots or the glitter.
I feel like a bad person because I think Marilyn Monroe kind of looked like a drag queen.